Falconer's Daily Strips

life questions

Date Posted: December 13th, 2012, 12:50 pm
I want to make a difference in the world, yet chose to be a comic artist because...uh...bad life decisions??

Author Notes

I think too much. Answers coming soon?


Well, to start, you have to make art cause you love it, so, you have to make it for yourself, otherwise you can't keep motivated. yes, other people can motivate you but if you lose your soul, you will stop making art.
Like, I write for myself. Nobody reads it, but my motiviation is that I love to re-read my stories myself, and, yeah, I force my sister to read the best stories too, so I kinda write for other people too. But in the first place, 'cause I love it.
And I overthink things too. You are not alone :p. (and now I am stuck with that song...)
GlowingRain hit the nail on the head. So reference his/hers.
@GlowingRain: @Arc Impulse: This will sound terrible to say, but I already HAVE stopped making art. I try to keep going, because I feel like I must and, somewhere, deep down, I do want to keep going...but there is a huge part of me right now that just wants to stop forever and give up.
Fuck, do you want, like, money, or something?
@Falconer: Well...
It is not a good thing if you feel like you must make art. That kinda implies that you are not doing it for yourself, but for others, so...
Maybe you should, well, really think about it. I dunno, just, make up your mind. Like you are already doing, wonder why you make your art, and if you would miss it if you stopped. I'm not saying I want you to stop making art, not at all, I'm just mean that you shouldn't make art cause you don't want to disappoint your fans. If you live your life for others, one day, you will regret the time you missed for yourself.
And I should learn to write shorter comments :p.
@Mundius: I don't think that's what Falconer (Laura? I feel weird typing first names, but trying to help someone and addressing them with their user name feels weird too) is looking for, exactly. I think she's just trying to find justification for why she does this, because she's not getting any real benefit for herself for doing it. Because she does this in what little spare time she has left after work/other life responsibilities, she's beginning to wonder if it's worth the time. (Am I right in saying this, Falconer/Laura/friendly internet persona whose art I admire? Still not sure of proper name to use here).

So, the question you asked yourself, "How do I matter?" But first, to answer that, you must ask yourself, "What am I doing?" For example, in Witch's Promise, what you are doing is telling a story, right? Now, how does telling a story matter?

Stories are how our society connects and relate to each other, going back to the dawn of time. They can be found in several different mediums, and explain why we are the way we are, provide historical documentation, and can be a tool for coping with the struggles of daily life, and for some, a means of temporary escape. When was the last time you found yourself wrapped up in the plot of a good book, or movie, or video game, and everything else just seems to melt away from your mind? When was the last time a song changed your mood, and made you happy, sad, angry, or provoked thought? When was the last time you were fascinated by an old story your parents or grandparents told you about when they were growing up? How did that affect your life? Did you try to be like them? Did you try to be different? More importantly, how did the stories you love influence you as a person?

If you don't think you make the world a better place by what you do, take a look at all of us gathered here. Why would we be here if your works didn't provide a source of enjoyment and entertainment for us on a regular basis? Think of all those people that go about their day after reading your comic and how that affected their day. Think of the faces that light up when they see that you've updated. And what about the people you may have inspired to do their own comics? Now, whether or not you derive enjoyment from that thought, I don't know, but don't ever let anyone tell you that your work doesn't matter, because it does, and you can tell them I said so.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now, but what it comes down to is if the time and effort spent on your art is worth it to you. If not, that's okay, as with anything, it's not for everyone, and if you don't enjoy it, then you should find something that you do. If it becomes to feel more like a chore, if it's cutting into the time you need to take care of yourself and seems like you're becoming a slave to your readership, you shouldn't feel pressured to do something you really don't have to. You're gracious enough to let us all view this for free, you don't owe us a damn thing. However, I do enjoy your works, and while I'd be sad to see you go, I fully understand.

Anyhoo, just food for thought.

@Mundius: @GlowingRain: @The_Hankerchief:

It's not so much about just not being paid or that I feel like I'm doing it for other people...I'm just having a really hard time being motivated to draw right now and I don't know why. Part of it is probably simply because I'm tired and working more hours at a job I really don't like (for numerous reasons - rarely getting to see James anymore, not liking the job to begin with, getting yelled at for not knowing things they didn't train me to do, anxiety about whether they're keeping me past the season, etc etc).

But part of it also a lot of the self-questioning and doubt that has been getting to me more and more. I'm not where I want to be, or doing what I want to be doing, and it gets to me. I feel really distant from people's comments - they used to make me smile, but now I admit to avoiding to even read them, though I suppose that's because of the depression.

I think after a few of them started getting popular on tumblr, I started to get a lot more conscious about them, and that has made them harder to do. I feel there's a sense of expectations, and even if it's something I'm imagining for myself, it's a sense that's hard to shake. It's an added pressure to my life upon things already there and it's difficult to deal with. Instead of these being a way to vent, they've become an additional burden, which is why I've been doing less of them lately. I just...need a break. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.

I can't take off from work, so I'm cutting off doing these daily instead. I'll still do them - but when I feel I have something to say instead of forcing it every day. At least until things settle and I'm happier (hopefully after the holidays?).

In specific relation to this comic, these questions are things I have been thinking about because of what I feel is a huge gap between who I want to/where I want to be and where/who I am now. I wonder about the effect I have on people, and I wonder if it is even a good one. I understand people like the daily strips, but what about my other works - the ones I like more? Those I'm not so sure on. It's less obvious.

And as I've said before, they are the ones I like more. Which is also why I have been taking off from these - because I want to go back to focusing on what matters to me. But because of my simultaneous lack of motivation, it's difficult to even do that, or other things I need to do (like the secret santa). I'm losing my buffer and am anxious about it, while at the same time finding myself without the time or energy to build up that buffer, and then feeling guilty for not spending the time I do have to do so.

I have no intentions of stopping to create art; I'm just trying to figure out why it's so hard for me lately. I'm trying to see the bigger picture, trying to look further into myself, and find a more solid goal that is beyond just what I want for myself, but also what I can do to help other people.

OKAY NOW I'M JUST RAMBLING I don't even know if I made any sense; I'm sorry. :S (just got off from having a 10 hr day shift and a 7/8 hr night shift so I'm tired and head is fuzzy, but I hope you get the gist of what I was trying to say??)

And specifically to Hank: Yes, you can call me Laura :P And thank you for the long post. I greatly appreciate the time and thought and it did help to clarify my thoughts/feelings a bit, even if I'm still a bit tired and meh. Thanks. <3
You wanna know a movie that really sounds like what you're dealing with and helps push me when I'm feeling down like this?
Kiki's Delivery Service. Great movie about finding yourself, and I'd highly recommend a view.
If it helps, I think those are the right questions.
@Arc Impulse: That's actually one of my favorite movies; used to have it on VHS. :P Too bad I don't have it anymore...definitely worth watching again.

@Gibson Twist: Yes, thank you.
I love comics of yours with thoughts like these. Puts into words thoughts I've had in passing but never really solidified.
ok, are we long lost twins?
cause i totaly over think thing way more then i should. my head starts to hurt allot (ʘ‿ʘ)
just some thoughts This is undoubtedly gonna be super cheesy and lame, I guarantee, but it helps me a little to think this when I'm feeling lost or particularly down:

There is NO point in life doing things for other people when you're not in the right place to. No point at all. Instead of thinking of all the things you ought to do to help better the world, think only of what you can do to improve your own sense of happiness and worth. If that means spending your day off work in pyjamas and just generally being 'unproductive' or 'anisocial', then do it. If it means keeping a low paying job or spending more time on your comics, do it because it's something you love. People always push themselves, worrying too hard over other people's feelings and other things that are totally out of their control, and they forget to take time to worry for yourself. You can't do anything for anyone until you take some you-time, and then after that all the rest will just fit into place.

Probably soppy and unwanted advice, I know, but I hope it is helpful rather than frustrating. C:
Fun comics and similar creative expressions have made a huge difference in my life on numerous occasions. Don't give up. ^^ (I know this is old, but still...)
Why am I here?
What's my purpose in life?
Why do we live just to die 80+ years later?
What is the meaning of life?
Let us know when you have answers :D